The One Who Stoppeth the Buck
Our dear leader. National alpha dog. Visionary. Charismatic. Sexy beast. The first Reptilian-Earthian President of this great nation. All hail The One Who Stoppeth the Buck, leader in perpetuity, our Lord and Savior. He will spur the sleeping giant awake. History hath ended. Everything is going to be alright forever. Yippee Ki-yay! The new and improved Pledge of Allegiance (excerpt above) was updated soon after a constitutional amendment was unanimously passed that did away with Presidential term limits and vastly expanded the President's powers. Why waste the taxpayer's time and money (that could go towards corporate tax cuts) on dragged-out, expensive electoral processes that are RIGGED anyways when manifestly-superior beings, our literal makers, have volunteered to guide us? People are fallible. 600-year old reptiles from Alpha Draconis are not. He takes on the shape of a pretend cowboy right out of central casting: just handsome enough to stir homemakers' loins and just...