PA MESSAGES

— "Attention all workers! Please do not forget to renew your toilet paper subscription for the month. Don't be caught with your pants down on this matter." 

— "To all personnel: the spyware installed on your workstations indicates productivity losses of 45% in the last hour. Be aware that your performance review may reflect negatively on your O2 allotment."

— "The H&B family would like to thank everyone who donated to the 'Feed The Homeless Slime Monsters' fund for the tax write-off."

— "Important notice: be reminded that H&B has a strict policy against child sacrifice during work hours. If you need to perform a ritual offering to the Elder Gods, please submit an application via the company portal."

— "Office printers are for official company business only. Those using them to print out escape routes from the building must refrain from doing so immediately."

— "In light of the estimated workforce loss, head office is announcing a new recruitment drive. Check the Opportunities section on the company portal, if you do survive."

— "Be the change you want to see in the world. Consult our updated Shapeshifting Guidelines in the company portal."

— "Warning: the company portal appears to have become a gateway for an alter reality that is slowly seeping into our own. Make sure to always have two-factor authentication turned on and the latest warding spells."

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