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Running John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) on a medieval abbey

I'm running a The Thing scenario (I expect it to be fairly short, 2-3 sessions) set in a medieval abbey, using Ruination Pilgrimage . Lazy GM that I am, I figured out a way to do it with as little prep as possible. First: Find your monastery I searched the webs for a suitable floorplan for my abbey. I went with the one on this site , complete with legend and all. As per the movie, set it in an isolated location (made it a river tidal island during heavy rain season). Make up a bunch of monks Instead of fleshing out each individual NPC, I made a bunch of tables to generate them on the fly 1d20 NAMES 2 Merrick 3 Kasper 4 Girald 5 Bertran 6 Nadal 7 Bidallac 8 Johannes 9 Helias 10 Andreas 11 Jacobus 12 Guido 13 Matheus 14 Alonso 15 Bernal 16 Amis 17 Enguerran 18 Giles 19 Guiscard 20 Agnolo 1d20 OCCUPATION 1 Butcher 2 Scribe 3 Scribe 4 Abbot 5 Prior 6 Cellarer 7 Cook 8 Brewer 9 Herbalist 10 Novice 11 Novice 12 Novice 13 Novice 14 Librarian 15 Physician 16 Blacksmith 17 Anchorite 18 Cook...
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Veteran of the Flame Wars

You saw the best minds of your generation getting ratio'd by overseas bot farms. Sick burns off the creepypasta chans. Shitposting like you wouldn't believe. Part of you never left that battlefield, endlessly coming up with belated epic comebacks. You have the scars to prove it. Possessions   An Online Handle That Lives In Infamy And Strikes Fear In The Heart Of Your Enemies Discharge Papers From St. Peterson's Hospital For The Terminally Online Back Braces (counts as Light Armor) 1d3 Psychic Scar: 1 You are incapable of expressing emotions. You carry a pack of emoji cards for that purpose. 2 You cannot quite focus your eyesight beyond a couple of meters. Ranged attacks are done with Disadvantage. 3 Your thumbs still search the air constantly for a phantom cellphone. Rolls that require fine motor skills are done with a -4 penalty. Advanced Skills 4 Rhetoric 3 Close Quarters Combat 2 Memecraft Special You can use your Rhetoric Skill as a psychic weapon against someone you g...
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Summa Cum Laude Graduate Of The School Of Pratfalls

You've been called a goof. A screwup. A klutz. A blundering idiot. Let them talk. You know what you are. You are royalty. Skills 1 Martial Arts 1 Acrobatics 1 Tapdancing 1 Spell - Undo Equipment Too-tight Tuxedo OR Overzised Overcoat Spring loaded boxing glove (damage as Unarmed, ranged) Spinning Bow Tie Special Whenever you fail a Skill check, you can Test your Luck to see if you fail spectacularly . That means you still somehow achieve your intended purpose, albeit by a quick succession of catastrophic, if hilarious, slapstick blunders. This comes with some unintented, not entirely favorable, consequence. In combat, a Fumble works the same way as a Mighty Blow.
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The One Who Stoppeth the Buck

Our dear leader. National alpha dog. Visionary. Charismatic. Sexy beast. The first Reptilian-Earthian President of this great nation. All hail The One Who Stoppeth the Buck, leader in perpetuity, our Lord and Savior. He will spur the sleeping giant awake. History hath ended. Everything is going to be alright forever. Yippee Ki-yay! The new and improved Pledge of Allegiance (excerpt above) was updated soon after a constitutional amendment was unanimously passed that did away with Presidential term limits and vastly expanded the President's powers. Why waste the taxpayer's time and money (that could go towards corporate tax cuts) on dragged-out, expensive electoral processes that are RIGGED anyways when manifestly-superior beings, our literal makers, have volunteered to guide us? People are fallible. 600-year old reptiles from Alpha Draconis are not. He takes on the shape of a pretend cowboy right out of central casting: just handsome enough to stir homemakers' loins and just...
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D66 Chaotic Mishaps

  11. Someone, somewhere in the world spontaneously explodes. You may never know who, but you know it definitely happened and you'll carry that forever on your conscience.  12. You grow hair in an unexpected place for a week. Teenagers will think that's the new it thing and may try to emulate it.  13. The spell has the reverse effect of the intended. What that's like is up to the GM.  14. You swap bodies with one of the other party members (GM's discretion) for 1d6 days. You both learn valuable lessons about yourselves and each other.  15. You accidentally summon an angry ghost only you can see.  16. Your voice suddenly becomes high-pitched like one of the Chipmunks.  21. You summon a rubber tire from the stars. It falls to Earth towards you, disintegrating during atmospheric entry. It reaches you as a faint smell of burnt rubber.  22. A shadow version of yourself crosses the threshold and enters the world, somewhere. They're exactly like you, exc...
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Random new background for Pax Reptiliana

The Best Person Sick Lambo, hot bod, baller style, dope digs, the coolest friends in the whole wide world. You have it all. The only problem is that they exist only as digital assets, locked to your Gippercoin wallet. No problem! You underwent a major procedure to digitise your — killer — personality and shed your inferior physical form once and for all. Sweet! (And not a bad way to evade your creditors.) Possessions A Small Urn Containing Your Ashes A Holographic Projector The Bestest Digital Avatar Skills 4 Impulse Buying 3 Gathering Intel 3 Bullshit-weaving 2 Making Up Bold New Solutions To Non-existent Problems 2 Metaverse Navigation Special You regain Stamina by spending time where you're most at home in, your (computer generated) private island resort. You regain 1 Stamina for every 10 minutes you're jacked in; you still need to sleep afterwards. 
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PA MESSAGES

— "Attention all workers! Please do not forget to renew your toilet paper subscription for the month. Don't be caught with your pants down on this matter."  — "To all personnel: the spyware installed on your workstations indicates productivity losses of 45% in the last hour. Be aware that your performance review may reflect negatively on your O2 allotment." — "The H&B family would like to thank everyone who donated to the 'Feed The Homeless Slime Monsters' fund for the tax write-off." — "Important notice: be reminded that H&B has a strict policy against child sacrifice during work hours. If you need to perform a ritual offering to the Elder Gods, please submit an application via the company portal." — "Office printers are for official company business only. Those using them to print out escape routes from the building must refrain from doing so immediately." — "In light of the estimated workforce los...
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