Pax Reptiliana

Pioneer! The Company has given you a once in a lifetime opportunity. To stake your claim on a rugged new world. To bring order to the great black yonder. To make a home for you and your own. Begin anew! Step up to the slipgate and make destiny manifest! Onward Unto the Breach When slipgate technology was first discovered, and we happened upon the Hell Dimension, there were some who feared that this would open Earth up for demonic takeover. The discovery that Hell natives cannot go through a slipgate without being annihilated put these fears to rest. The additional discovery of Lapis Infernicus, the long sought answer to the ‘free energy’ question, sealed the deal. Your travails are the scaffolding that shore up our utopia. Now you know! Paradise Found You have a great task ahead of you, pioneer. You are the advance party of a mass colonizing movement still in its infancy. You have the sacred honor to be spearheading humankind’s hellward expansion. And thanks to the tireless work of our...

I'm running a The Thing scenario (I expect it to be fairly short, 2-3 sessions) set in a medieval abbey, using Ruination Pilgrimage . Lazy GM that I am, I figured out a way to do it with as little prep as possible. First: Find your monastery I searched the webs for a suitable floorplan for my abbey. I went with the one on this site , complete with legend and all. As per the movie, set it in an isolated location (made it a river tidal island during heavy rain season). Make up a bunch of monks Instead of fleshing out each individual NPC, I made a bunch of tables to generate them on the fly 1d20 NAMES 2 Merrick 3 Kasper 4 Girald 5 Bertran 6 Nadal 7 Bidallac 8 Johannes 9 Helias 10 Andreas 11 Jacobus 12 Guido 13 Matheus 14 Alonso 15 Bernal 16 Amis 17 Enguerran 18 Giles 19 Guiscard 20 Agnolo 1d20 OCCUPATION 1 Butcher 2 Scribe 3 Scribe 4 Abbot 5 Prior 6 Cellarer 7 Cook 8 Brewer 9 Herbalist 10 Novice 11 Novice 12 Novice 13 Novice 14 Librarian 15 Physician 16 Blacksmith 17 Anchorite 18 Cook...

You saw the best minds of your generation getting ratio'd by overseas bot farms. Sick burns off the creepypasta chans. Shitposting like you wouldn't believe. Part of you never left that battlefield, endlessly coming up with belated epic comebacks. You have the scars to prove it. Possessions   An Online Handle That Lives In Infamy And Strikes Fear In The Heart Of Your Enemies Discharge Papers From St. Peterson's Hospital For The Terminally Online Back Braces (counts as Light Armor) 1d3 Psychic Scar: 1 You are incapable of expressing emotions. You carry a pack of emoji cards for that purpose. 2 You cannot quite focus your eyesight beyond a couple of meters. Ranged attacks are done with Disadvantage. 3 Your thumbs still search the air constantly for a phantom cellphone. Rolls that require fine motor skills are done with a -4 penalty. Advanced Skills 4 Rhetoric 3 Close Quarters Combat 2 Memecraft Special You can use your Rhetoric Skill as a psychic weapon against someone you g...

You've been called a goof. A screwup. A klutz. A blundering idiot. Let them talk. You know what you are. You are royalty. Skills 1 Martial Arts 1 Acrobatics 1 Tapdancing 1 Spell - Undo Equipment Too-tight Tuxedo OR Overzised Overcoat Spring loaded boxing glove (damage as Unarmed, ranged) Spinning Bow Tie Special Whenever you fail a Skill check, you can Test your Luck to see if you fail spectacularly . That means you still somehow achieve your intended purpose, albeit by a quick succession of catastrophic, if hilarious, slapstick blunders. This comes with some unintented, not entirely favorable, consequence. In combat, a Fumble works the same way as a Mighty Blow.

Our dear leader. National alpha dog. Visionary. Charismatic. Sexy beast. The first Reptilian-Earthian President of this great nation. All hail The One Who Stoppeth the Buck, leader in perpetuity, our Lord and Savior. He will spur the sleeping giant awake. History hath ended. Everything is going to be alright forever. Yippee Ki-yay! The new and improved Pledge of Allegiance (excerpt above) was updated soon after a constitutional amendment was unanimously passed that did away with Presidential term limits and vastly expanded the President's powers. Why waste the taxpayer's time and money (that could go towards corporate tax cuts) on dragged-out, expensive electoral processes that are RIGGED anyways when manifestly-superior beings, our literal makers, have volunteered to guide us? People are fallible. 600-year old reptiles from Alpha Draconis are not. He takes on the shape of a pretend cowboy right out of central casting: just handsome enough to stir homemakers' loins and just...

  11. Someone, somewhere in the world spontaneously explodes. You may never know who, but you know it definitely happened and you'll carry that forever on your conscience.  12. You grow hair in an unexpected place for a week. Teenagers will think that's the new it thing and may try to emulate it.  13. The spell has the reverse effect of the intended. What that's like is up to the GM.  14. You swap bodies with one of the other party members (GM's discretion) for 1d6 days. You both learn valuable lessons about yourselves and each other.  15. You accidentally summon an angry ghost only you can see.  16. Your voice suddenly becomes high-pitched like one of the Chipmunks.  21. You summon a rubber tire from the stars. It falls to Earth towards you, disintegrating during atmospheric entry. It reaches you as a faint smell of burnt rubber.  22. A shadow version of yourself crosses the threshold and enters the world, somewhere. They're exactly like you, exc...